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This Is How We Heal From Painful Childhoods:
A Practical Guide for Healing Past Intergenerational Stress and Trauma

Painful childhood stresses, struggles, and traumas naturally follow you into adulthood and continue to impact self-views and interpersonal functioning. Natural responses to these experiences remain obstacles to becoming your healthiest, most productive, and fulfilled self.


Painful childhood experiences can include parents divorcing all the way to abuse and neglect. If your youth included prolonged periods of stress (even amidst an otherwise positive childhood), then your young brain likely created physical and mental habits that it believed would help you survive. Unfortunately, much of these survival-based habits and core beliefs work against your adult life and relationship goals. These obstacles can include:

  • Unhealthy relationship with yourself

  • Chaotic, combative, toxic relationships

  • Unhealthy personal habits

  • Chronic anxiety symptoms

  • Dysfunctional family dynamics

  • Personal or family addictions

  • Mental health disorders

Author Ernest Ellender PhD

These are all perfectly normal reactions to a painful childhood, and they do not automatically go away when you grow up! Healing from family trauma is challenging, but not impossible. Instead of hoping these issues will fix themselves (hint: they won’t), self-education and guided skills building can empower you to eliminate many obstacles and symptoms, and successfully manage others throughout your life.

This encouraging and reality-based guide to healing from childhood and family trauma was authored by Ernest Ellender, PhD, who poured into it the best of his clinical experiences and educational insights derived from his 20+ years career in clinical psychology and life coaching, during which he worked directly with survivors of various types of childhood trauma. This Is How We Heal From Painful Childhoods presents 20 concepts that must be addressed to comprehensively heal from and thrive past your childhood. Each chapter explains the critical educational concepts before presenting realistic drills to retrain unhelpful thinking, dysfunctional interpersonal dynamics, and unhealthy physical habits.

Book available
March 15, 2024

Available at, choose from softcover, hardcover, or eBook options... or get all three!!!

Ernest Ellender PhD portrait

Ernest Ellender, PhD

Slow down... think... and choose your path!

I grew up swimming, fishing, skiing, and hunting with my family on the bayous and beaches of south Louisiana. Eight years of graduate school in California produced two educations: my PhD in clinical psychology and my black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu! I continue to using both these educations to empower others with the knowledge and skills that I was so fortunate to have learned. When not coaching, I keep busy writing, spending time with family and friends, learning new skills (freediving, dancing), and planning my next vacation to experience new adventures!

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